– You’re doing it wrong: Apparently some Mormons think that masturbation (or online pornography) is equivalent to what appears to be the Bastogne campaign from the Battle of the Bulge during World War II (h/t Jason).
– Is that a piranha in your pocket, or are—DEAR SWEET MOTHER OF GOD!!!!!!!! Did you know that piranhas are illegal in at least 25 U.S. states? (Including Texas, under Administrative Code Rule 57.111(15)(F) – whew!) You might wonder why that’s even necessary, because who would want to bring such a notorious killing machine into—oh, I see:
On Wednesday a New York City man pleaded guilty to smuggling nearly 40,000 piranhas into the city illegally.
Joel Rakower, 66, entered his plea in federal court in Brooklyn for alleged offenses from 2011 to 2012, when he said he smuggled 39,548 piranhas, worth $37,376.
In his plea, Rakower said his Queens-based company, Transship Discounts, bought the sharp-toothed fish from a Hong Kong tropical fish supplier and told the supplier to falsely label them as “silver tetras,” a popular and nonaggressive aquarium fish.
New York City prohibits possession of piranhas, and the federal Lacey Act prohibits importing of wildlife and plants that are deemed illegal.
Dramatization
(h/t d&t)
– An actual zombie apocalypse—of starfish arms: Some sort of epidemic is killing huge numbers of starfish, in exceedingly gross ways:
A mysterious illness has claimed the lives of tens of thousands of starfish on North America’s west coast, and its symptoms are horrifying. Dubbed “sea star wasting syndrome,” the arms of an infected individual will twist into knots, develop lesions, and finally crawl away in opposite directions until they tear away from its body, allowing its insides to spill out. [Emphasis in original.]
The io9 article includes an animated GIF of a severed starfish arm crawling on its own, but I’m not posting it here. Also, many researchers don’t seem to think it has anything to do with Fukushima fallout.
– Just watch out for vampires: As if the town of Valdez, Alaska didn’t have enough problems (it actually had nothing to do with the oil spill of the same name, but association can be a bitch), it is reportedly trapped behind a 40-foot wall of snow thanks to a heat wave-induced avalanche and snowmelt. Also, the avalanche dammed a river, creating a lake that is further isolating the town. It would appear the residents are taking it all in stride, though:
In a sign that Valdez would definitely be a good place to wait out any impending Apocalypses, residents are primarily concerned at the moment with whether the avalanches will interrupt their preferred form of recreation, heli-skiing (yep, just like it sounds, folks). They also note that, in the meantime, supplies can still make it into town by air or by water.
Until the vampires show up, that is.
