– Is that not what it’s used for? Seriously, what’s the point of owning a flamethrower if you can’t use it to clear the driveway?

Fargo, ND – Local resident Todd Fox has been detained for “reckless endangerment” and “illegal use of high-powered fire-breathing weaponry” for attacking snow with his flamethrower.

Okay, I know this story is from last year (and definitely not this week, per the title and overall theme of this post), but the WTF is strong here.

– Bad timing, dude: If you’re going to escape from jail, best not to do it during a polar vortex. Of course, you could always turn yourself in to stay warm:

Robert Vick seriously picked the wrong week to escape from jail.

Vick, 42, broke out of a minimum security prison in Lexington, Kentucky, only to find himself on the lam with only prison-issued khaki pants, a shirt and a jacket in the middle of a Polar Vortex. With nowhere to take shelter, Vick quickly froze in the record-breaking cold in Lexington, where temperatures dropped to 20 below zero with the wind chill.

Hypothermic and out of options, he walked into a motel Monday and asked the clerk if he could use the phone to call the cops. He told police he wanted to turn himself in to escape the freezing air, and told them where to find him.

– It’s all in the marketing: How can you take ratty clothes and sell them online for $300+? By calling them post-apocalyptic, of course! (h/t thegoddamazon).

– It’s got electrolytes? Are you worried about radiation from the Fukushima nuclear plant? Some people think you can protect yourself naturally by eating foods high in carotene! Others might tell you to get the f*** away from the radiation, but if you can’t, you can still grab a beet!

– Scary enough in Latin: Penis captivus. Do you really want to know?

– Two heads are better than one: Meet the guy with two penises. Or don’t. It’s up to you.

Photo credit: By Arne Groh [GFDL, CC-BY-SA-3.0 or FAL], via Wikimedia Commons.