I’m the kind of guy who, in the vicinity of a table where someone is selling Girl Scout cookies, is guaranteed to leave the premises with an amount of Girl Scout Cookie boxes equal in value to the total amount of cash on my person just prior to noticing the table of cookies. I was shocked, shocked, to learn that Girl Scout Daisy Troop #2753 in California says it will not be selling cookies anymore:

Who can resist the allure of a girl scout cookie? We all should, says one troop leader and mom of three from southern California. Monica Serratos, troop leader of Girl Scout Daisy Troop #2753, says her troop is opting out of selling Girl Scout cookies this year and will instead celebrate the Girl Scouts 100th anniversary by displaying a “cake” made of fruit at the Orange County Fair on July 27.

Serratos, 31, said she wanted to call attention to the fact that cookies aren’t good for kids who already get too much sugar at school and at home, so she asked other troop parents to talk with their daughters about the issue.

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Serratos said she also worries about some of the ingredients in Girl Scout cookies, such as palm oil — the production of which leads to deforestation.

Okay, yes, they have a lot of sugar. Some of them have high fructose corn syrup and trans fats. Some of the cookies have mysterious GM ingredients, although I would hope to serve as living proof that eating one’s weight in Girl Scout cookies will not turn you into a betentacled supervillain (that might not be the primary concern of most people where GMO’s are concerned, but it is for me. Don’t judge.)

You have to understand, Girl Scouts, that I am in the “bargaining” stage of the grief process, perhaps tinged with a bit of denial. What can we do to save the cookies? If it is a concern over high fructose corn syrup, couldn’t we just eliminate it from some other part of our diets to balance things out? I almost never drink non-diet soft drinks, minimizing my HFC exposure. I avoid trans fats, too, whenever possible. What if we convinced everyone in the world to stop using shortening in anything but your cookies? Would that balance the scales in childhood health?

Please, just tell me what to do!!!!!!!

Photo credit: ‘US Navy 070609-N-6897L-018 Navy Cargo Handling Battalion 8 assists hundreds of Girl Scouts from Westchester and Putnam counties in New York load more than 33,000 boxes of cookies as part of Operation Cookie Drop’ by U.S. Navy photo by Lt. Lesley Lykins [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons