It was necessary to destroy the car in order to save the hamster

'hamster' by Yukari*, on FlickrHow far would you go to save the pet hamster you just bought fifteen minutes ago? If you are 33 year-old student Fran Elkington, you would hire mechanics to take your Volkswagen Beetle completely apart to free the critter.

It seems she had just picked up Willow the hamster, and the little one got away from her during the 15-minute drive from the pet store to her house. Fran knew Willow was still in the car, and when she couldn’t find her she left food and water in there, hoping she’d emerge again. Willow kept eating the food, and Fran kept avoiding driving the car so as not to spook or hurt her. She tried using more food and a humane trap, but nothing was working. Willow was beginning to nibble on the seats themselves, so it was time for drastic action.

That’s when Fran enlisted the aid of some auto mechanics, who removed the car’s seats, doors, and back panels. They found Willow nestled in a gap near the car’s trunk. Since this all happened in England, they called it a “boot.” Willow is now safe and sound.

The bill for the dismantling and reassembly of the Beetle came out to $4,700, according to the Huffington Post. The Sun reports the fee as £300, so either someone reported something wrong or the exchange rate has really gotten out of control. Anyway, the mechanic shop waived the fee, presumably because everyone was too busy jumping for joy and hugging to worry about collecting payment.

Remember that owning a pet is a big, big responsibility. Fran Elkington gets it.

Photo credit: ‘hamster’ by Yukari*, on Flickr.

Share

Random Coincidences: “The Magnificent Seven”

Some of you may know 1960’s “The Magnificent Seven” as one of the greatest westerns of all time. It is also based on Kurosawa’s 1954 film “The Seven Samurai,” considered by me to be the greatest film of all time. Yes, I’m talking to you, “Citizen Kane” and “Casablanca.” Kurosawa’s movie is better, so nyah.

Of the seven actors that played the seven Old West gunslingers hired to defend a Mexican village from a group of bandits led by a classically-trained actor faking a Mexican accent, only one, Robert Vaughan, is still with us today. (He has done some remarkable work as a non-attorney spokesperson recently, but I digress.)

The first two to pass away were Steve McQueen in 1980 and Yul Brynner in 1985. After that, four more have died, and it all happened in the space of one year:

There is no greater cosmic significance to this whatsoever, although (no major spoilers) if the actors had passed in the same order as their characters in the film, that would be something remarkable. I just thought it was interesting. (This is what I do on Saturday mornings.)

It is vaguely reminiscent of the “Poltergeist” curse, in that it is tempting to draw some sort of conclusion that greater forces are at work. Statistically speaking, though, the supposed curse around the three “Poltergeist” films (2 unusual deaths, 2 medically-predictable ones, all of them tragic) was  nothing out of the ordinary.

Share

Happy National Cleavage Day!

Yes, this really is a thing.

I was going to quote from the article, but it’s such a painful mishmash of British boob puns, I couldn’t do it. Lest you think this is a serious holiday, it’s just a way to sell bras by showcasing cleavage. I must be getting older, because I’m just not that inspired.

WordPress won’t let me embed their somewhat-obnoxious video. Just know that it features women in brand-name brassieres and lingering shots of dudes with varying degrees of surprise or embarrassment on display.

Here’s a GIF of Allison Brie from “Community.” You’re welcome.

 

Share

In honor of Game of Thrones Season 2, I present “Tyrion Slaps Joffrey”

It may take time for all the GIF’s to load, but it will be worth it.

Tyrion Slaps JoffreyTyrion Slaps JoffreyTyrion Slaps JoffreyTyrion Slaps JoffreyTyrion Slaps JoffreyTyrion Slaps JoffreyTyrion Slaps JoffreyTyrion Slaps JoffreyTyrion Slaps JoffreyTyrion Slaps JoffreyTyrion Slaps JoffreyTyrion Slaps JoffreyTyrion Slaps JoffreyTyrion Slaps JoffreyTyrion Slaps JoffreyTyrion Slaps JoffreyTyrion Slaps JoffreyTyrion Slaps JoffreyTyrion Slaps JoffreyTyrion Slaps JoffreyTyrion Slaps JoffreyTyrion Slaps JoffreyTyrion Slaps JoffreyTyrion Slaps JoffreyTyrion Slaps JoffreyTyrion Slaps Joffrey

Share

Hell hath no fury

Presented not for myself, but on behalf of people I care about.

Hell Hath No Fury, graphic by sarahlee310

November 6, 2012: Get your ass out there and vote.

Photo credit: Hell Hath No Fury by sarahlee310

Share

This plan may have backfired

From the “scaring kids for Jesus” department comes this tale out of Middletown, PA:

County prosecutors have begun an investigation into a church function where members of a youth group were tied up and blindfolded as part of a lesson in religious persecution.

Fran Chardo, First Deputy District Attorney of Dauphin County, said there could be consequences if teens didn’t know what was going to happen, and didn’t agree to be a part of the event at the Glad Tidings Assembly of God Church in Lower Swatara Township.

“It’s actually quite serious,” Chardo said. “False imprisonment of a child, someone under the age of 18, is a second-degree felony punishable up to 10 years on prison.”

ABC27 News has learned that an off-duty police officer acted as one of two kidnappers who raided the Wednesday night meeting. The gun used by the officer in the fake raid was unloaded, but real.

Taurus .357 Magnum by SoulRider.222 on FlickrI was once involved in a church youth group skit involving a real, loaded gun, but I’ll get to that.

Lower Swatara Township police began their own investigation when the mother of a 14-year-old girl complained that her daughter, a guest of a youth group member, had her legs bruised during the event.

The teen told abc27 News she thought she was going to die when the men burst into the room, put pillow cases over some of the people’s heads and led them into a van.

“They pulled my chair out from underneath me and then they told me to get on the ground,” she said. “I was the first person to go into the van. I had my hands behind my back they said ‘just do as I say and you won’t be hurt’.”

The teens were taken to the pastor’s house, where it appeared he was being assaulted. Eventually, she said the adults in charge revealed it was a staged event.

“They heard me crying,” she said. “Why not right then and there tell us it was a joke, when you see me crying?”

Pastor John Lanza said the lesson was a surprise “to secure the shock value of it and make it much more real.”

“There are people in other countries that live under this environment on a regular daily basis,” Lanza said. “They’re not warned that their persecutors are coming in.”

Church officials said the exercise has been done before and they would not shy away from doing it again, but would tell parents first. They added that they never had any indication that the teen was in such distress.

“I’m pretty sure she was laughing at some point and having fun with the other students,” youth pastor Andrew Jordan said. “I can’t confirm that, but that’s what I’ve heard from friends of hers that were there.”

Because there is no better way to teach American teenagers how people elsewhere in the world are traumatized than to traumatize them. Not to quibble with Pastor Lanza, but it does not sound like these children were “warned that their persecutors are coming in,” either. They were just told it was all fake after the fact. I’m sure it was no different than a fraternity prank, right?

Whatever the rationale for this, I hope someone high up gets something more than a slap on the wrist. After all is said and done, these are the adults that these kids are supposed to trust–to rely on for guidance–and this is how the adults treat them? Plus, the whole point of the exercise, by the pastor’s own admission, is to scare the kids, so how does he also suggest they were having fun?

Here’s the deal, Pastor Lanza, either you succeeded in your goal of scaring them (“to secure the shock value”), or the kids were having fun with it. There really is no middle ground here. Either way, you are one sick puppy, pastor.

It puts my loaded (with blanks) gun experience in perspective. Rewind to my high school days, circa 1992. To act out the “full armor of God” bit from Ephesians 6:10-18, my youth director had me put on some baseball catcher’s equipment (to represent the armor) and gave me a .357 loaded with blanks (to represent prayer.) We acted out a skit where a bully was tormenting me, and an angel equipped me with the titular armor. The armor protected me from a bully (played by one of my friends) and the “prayer” took his ass out. I fired slightly to his right (my left), because a tiny bit of common sense and human decency must have crept into my brain in that moment.

But at least no one put a bag over my head and kidnapped me.

(h/t to sinidentidades for the story)

Photo credit: Taurus .357 Magnum by SoulRider.222 on Flickr.

Share

You won’t be summering on Gliese 581g any time soon, so don’t get too excited

Artist's conception of the Gliese 581 system by Lynette Cook, via NASA

Artist's conception of the Gliese 581 system by Lynette Cook, via NASA

Digital Journal ran a slightly hyperbolic headline this morning, “Habitable planets like Earth ‘now in the billions'”:

An international team of astronomers have discovered “billions of planets” not much bigger than Earth and have the potential to sustain life, BBC News reports.
Planets like Earth are circling the faint stars in the Milky Way according to the new research. The estimate for the number of so called “Super-Earths” are based on detections of the number of red-dwarf stars in the Galaxy.

Harps employs an indirect method of detection that infers the existence of orbiting planets from the way their gravity makes a parent star appear to twitch in its motion across the sky.

The team’s leader Xavier Bonfils from the Observatoire des Sciences de l’Univers de Grenoble, France said:

“Our new observations with Harps mean that about 40% of all red dwarf stars have a super-Earth orbiting in the habitable zone where liquid water can exist on the surface of the planet.

“Because red dwarfs are so common – there are about 160 billion of them in the Milky Way – this leads us to the astonishing result that there are tens of billions of these planets in our galaxy alone.”

The only reason this isn’t quite as exciting as it sounded to my un-scientifically-trained ear at first is because “discovered” doesn’t necessarily mean “directly identified.” I think most people know that, but the way it’s phrased makes it sound much more earth-shattering (pun sort of intended) than it is. Based on the findings made so far, it seems safe to extrapolate, but it’s not like the researchers will be publishing a billion-entry guidebook to the planets of the Milky Way. It almost seems like the headline and lead-in to this story were specifically designed to disappoint laypeople.

The team investigated a total of 102 of carefully chosen red dwarfs, which are stars that are dimmer and cooler than our sun.

The team found nine super-earths, which are planets with mass one to ten times the size of Earth, with two of these planets being inside the habitable zone of their stars.

So we’ve gone from “billions” to nine, with two in the “Goldilocks zone.” And about that whole “habitable” thing…

Liquid water is deemed a necessity for life to develop on potentially habitable planets.

“The habitable zone around a red dwarf, where the temperature is suitable for liquid water to exist on the surface, is much closer to the star than the Earth is to the Sun,” commented co-researcher Stephane Udry from the Geneva Observatory.

“But red dwarfs are known to be subject to stellar eruptions or flares, which may bathe the planet in X-rays or ultraviolet radiation, and which may make life there less likely.”

Rachel Nichols as Gaila in "Star Trek," from Historyguy.com [Fair use]We know there is life on earth that can exist without liquid water, or even oxygen. It’s kind of a leap to assume that all life needs liquid water, although every mechanism of evolution that we know of required liquid water at some point. It also doesn’t help that no one has ever come up with a clear, concise definition of “life” in a biological sense (cf. viruses). Alien life is highly unlikely to be anywhere near our level of technological advancement, and is most likely to be microbial. Aliens certainly won’t look anything like Rachel Nichols. Won’t that be a disappointment?

Getting back to the number of planets, keep in mind that this is only about the Milky Way galaxy, which is one of at least a hundred billion galaxies in the known universe. That’s potentially (I think this is the scientific term) a shitload of planets. Unless we come up with some kind of wormhole or super-warp technology, though, we’ll never know very much about planets in other galaxies.

So this is exciting news. Just don’t get too carried away with it.

On the other hand, we could just send James Cameron to look for other planets. That guy goes everywhere.

Photo credits: Artist’s conception of the Gliese 581 system by Lynette Cook, via NASA; Rachel Nichols as Gaila in “Star Trek,” from Historyguy.com [Fair use]

Share

Winter is coming again

(SPOILERS MAY ABOUND WITHIN)

To say I am excited about “Game of Thrones” season 2 would not do justice to the concept of excitement. Even words like “stoked” don’t truly convey the feeling. Of course, the stokedness is mixed with any fans apprehension that adapting such a huge novel to a TV screen will invariably screw it up somehow, but consider this: I had misgivings about season 1 when it started, and now I don’t remember what they were. That is either because (a) I did not blog about them at the time and so therefore they were not retained in my mind, or (b) any misgivings were overshadowed by how great the show turned out to be. I prefer option (b).

Season 2 will be largely based on the second book of the series, A Clash of Kings, although I fully expect that the show’s story arc will delve into other volumes now and then, as it did in season 1. HBO has put out a couple of shorts that introduce some of the new characters and showcase the new settings.

Fans of the books might notice that they seem to be giving much more prominent roles to Margaery Tyrell and Qhorin Halfhand. I’m all for that. Qhorin is a great character, and I have always been curious about Margaery (no spoilers, but she goes through a lot of crap.) My only complaint regarding her is that they put the accent on the first syllable of the Tyrell name, which means I have been mispronouncing it for years (the same was true for both “Daenerys” and “Targaryen,” though. I’m just glad I know now.)

Brienne of Tarth, from dear-westeros.tumblr.com

Gwendoline Christie as Brienne of Tarth

Now then, here’s the burning question: Brienne of Tarth, where the hell is she??? She may come closest to being the moral center of this part of the story, and they don’t even see fit to introduce her? Think about it: through the first four books, she is instrumental in turning one bad character (Jaime Lannister) sort of good, and in showcasing how one good character (Catelyn Stark) has turned bad, sort of. She’s also one of the most interesting characters overall–in a universe full of people who have lost all control over their own destinies, she is one of the few who dares to try to be who she really is. It almost never works out for her, of course, but the scorn and ridicule that nearly all of Westeros puts on her just makes her that much more heroic. She deserves to be prominently featured.

Continue reading

Share

Fun Word of the Day: Stonking

'A Pint of Beer,' copyright Ian T and licensed for reuse under this Creative Commons LicenceThe second I saw this word, I knew it had to be British. Sure enough, it is:

[“Stonking”] been popular slang in the UK for many years, and enjoyed a certain vogue there in the late 1980s and early 90s…The Brits, of course, are famous for their intriguing but opaque slang. No one, for example, has ever come up with a convincing explanation for either “boffin,” meaning “a technical researcher or expert,” or “bog standard,” the equivalent of our “standard issue.” Sometimes I suspect they’re doing it on purpose. Perfidious Albion, y’know.

The Oxford English Dictionary (OED) defines “stonking” as an adjective meaning “Excellent, amazing; considerable, powerful” (“The Kenwood receiver is …  stonking value for anyone wanting to take their first steps into home cinema,” 1993), and as an adverb (modifying an adjective) meaning “extremely, very” (“Snogging tackle for stonking wet smackers, warm and reassuring like a comfy settee,” 1993). (Please don’t ask me what that example means. As I said, they’re probably messing with our minds.) The noun “stonker,” which means something very large or impressive of its kind, first popped up in print in the late 1980s.

(h/t to Antonin Pribetic for bringing the word to my attention, and to Natasha Phillips for actually using it.)

This is one of those words that, if you say it with anything other than a spot-on British accent (preferably a London variant), particularly anything even hinting of a Texas drawl, you will just sound like a jackass.

For some reason, it reminds me of this joke that is only funny when said with a English accent with a hint of Cockney:

Bartender: How’s your beer?
Customer: It’s like making love in a canoe!
Bartender: What do you mean?
Customer: It’s fucking close to water!

I will add “stonking” to the list of words I can only say when I am portraying a pompous Englishman in an improv show.

Photo credit: ‘A Pint of Beer,’ copyright Ian T and licensed for reuse under this Creative Commons Licence.

Share

At this point, let’s call it an invasion

Unwelcome guest

You are not welcome in my home

Seriously, what are these giant mosquito-looking bugs??? They are everywhere, not just in Austin, but apparently all over Texas. I can’t walk through my front door without a few coming in with me. They have turned my entire backyard into a breeding ground–if insects had their own pornography, my backyard is their Van Nuys.

A Google search for “giant mosquitoes in Austin” turned up nothing. I’m not even sure what to call them, since “giant mosquito-things” gets old after a while. According to Wikipedia, they might be crane flies, part of a very large family of insects that shares a suborder with mosquitoes.

Crane Fly Porn

If there is an equivalent sexual position for humans, I do not know what it is.

They are also quite fearless. Or just very stupid. As I sit at my desk trying to work, at least one lands on me every 20-30 minutes or so. I assume all the recent rain has brought them out in droves. I also know that they eat mosquito larvae. Or mosquitoes. Or something that we would prefer be eaten. In the winter absence of the bats, I welcome that. Just please, stay out of my house. And stop landing on my nose when I’m trying to go to sleep.

Share